Lucky #9 Soap
Lucky #9 Soaps are handmade cold process soaps made right here in our little studio in Vermont by our resident mad scientist!
Do you live locally? You can use the coupon code "LOCAL" at checkout to remove the shipping charge and your order will be waiting for you at the BPAL Vermont Lunacy Event at the end of the month.
Also Stocked at Indie Beautique
CANDY APPLE PIE
What's that? Did I make a pie out of candy apples? Of course not, don't be silly, doing something like that would be utterly ridiculous. I took an apple pie and dipped it in candy coating. #'Murica.
VERMONT HOT CHOCOLATE
1. Take a 10oz cup.
2. Add 1lb. of marshmallows.
3. Grudgingly add 2oz of hot chocolate.
4. Garnish with insulin and enjoy.
After spending years in an attempt to decipher these sandalwood, Florentine iris, herbaceous clover, French verbena, violet leaves and ambergris scented stones, I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that they're just Alien personal ads. I'm flattered, "ProbN4U-66", but I'm married.
DR. ODD'S CALMING BREW FOR NUTJOBS
Just going to sit here, with my coffee, and have a nice relaxing day with nature… Definitely not thinking of taking over the world with an army of Robot Lobsters…
Mwahahahahahaha… hahaha… haaaaa…
I stared into the orange abyss... and the orange stared back at me... for a couple minutes anyway, then it seemed to get bored and went to go stare at Nature Documentaries. That's right, Nature Documentaries, ORANGE you glad I didn't say Reality TV? Eh? Does that joke fly? Nobody gets me.
EVIL PSYCHIC WATERMELON
Help me it's getting closer and - Augh!
Haha There Are No Evil Psychic Watermelons, That Was A Joke By Me, A Human, I Love Having Legs And A Body Devoid Of Seeds.
GOBLIN FRUIT FROM QUEEN TITANIA'S GARDEN PARTY
Spending a weekend in the Faerie Realm is a really bad idea, but it's probably alright to swing by for a spot of tea and maybe some snacks. Just try not to stare when a Goblin Fruit the size of a hippo walks up to you and offers to let you cut off a piece. Some people say it smells like Strawberries.
A misty, lemon-fresh scent is upon the air, that can only mean one thing; UNDEAD BLAGAURDS are afoot!
Pardon me whilst I adjourn to the larder, as circumstances have dictated that I must unseal a tin of her Royal Majesty's
Thrashed-Buttock to visit upon these shambling oafs!
NICOLE'S SASQUATCH CAMPFIRE
As the scent of Musk and Marshmallows fills the air, we can see a family of Sassies enjoying a campfire together.
Perhaps soon they will begin to enjoy a sing-a-long, and then- oh crap, they saw us, run, RUN!!! RUN I SAID!!!
FORGET THE CAMERA WE CAN BUY ANOTHER ONE!!!!
NO SILVER LINING
Just dark storms and arcs of lightning to brighten up your day! What, don't look at me like that, not everybody is happy in bright sunshine and warm temperatures. You know who likes bright and sunny? Bugs, that's who, and they're just waiting out there for you. Nature's gross like that. So stay inside and enjoy the scent of sandalwood and musk.
POISON CANDY APPLE (•Palm free)
HEEHEEHEE! A nice sour apple with hints of dulce caramel! Try some, myyyyyyy BEAUTY!!! HEEHEEHEE- wait, by try some I mean use it as soap, don't eat it, you'd get really sick if you ate it. I mean truth in advertising but now I feel like I totally wasted the whole Witch motif. Eh, just as well, I was probably skirting copyright infringement anyway... HEEHEEHEEEEE!
PUMPKINS BY JACK*
(With hand-carved jack-o-lantern faces, contains glycerin soap elements)
I know what you're asking yourself right now, ""Where can I even buy a hat for a Rhino?""
But what you should be asking yourself is, ""What's the difference between how gingerbread smells
and how pumpkin cake smells?""
The answer is shut-up and enjoy your Christmas Pumpkins.
RED APPLE SPLATTERS
<Ajevie> Do you know what 'Apple-Splatters' actually means?
<Lucky> Yes, apples and that have yuzu grenades hidden in them by Chipmunk rebels.
<Ajevie> Where do you come up with this nonsense?
<Lucky> I DON'T SLEEP!!!
RED-GRAPE CHAMPAGNE FOR KELLY & PAUL
A bottle of bubbly for my two best customers!
...or if they don't want their names to be on the label, a bottle of bubbly for two total strangers
who just happen to have the same names as my two best customers.
Let's see you try to sue me now!
ROYAL JELLY FROM THE ALIEN BEE QUEEN
Distilled in outer space by Hippie Astronauts who have no idea how they got there or why they thought milking a giant space bee was a good idea, but here's the soap to prove it exists. Honey? No that's from normal bees, this one smells like Kumquats.
SCARY MOVIE NIGHT
What goes with a good scary movie? That's right, a house with all the doors and windows locked, a fully loaded
pair of shotguns, and a charged cellphone with 9 and 1 already dialed.
Or Popcorn I suppose… yeah, probably popcorn.
SNORING DRAGON'S MELTED GOLD*
It's a well documented fact that Dragons sleep on gold,
because they're really weird like that. But some fire sneaks out and melts some of their treasure while their snoring, and it's also a well documented fact that melted bars of dragon gold smell like Vanilla and Jasmine. Look it up on the internet if you don't believe me.
Not all witches live in the woods, some live in fetid swamps with mist and moldy trees… and molasses apples, because you
need fruit in your diet. Don't try to run from a Swamp Witch, they avoid empty carbs and can sprint like Dobermans.
Your best bet is to talk to them about the lack of swamp WiFi, then sneak away while they're rambling.
THE SENSIBLE WITCH'S SPELLBOOK*
(7oz handcrafted book shaped soap that contains coconut charcoal & Glycerin soap elements)
Within this leather-bound tome you will…
Learn to cast 'Equalize' on your paychecks!
Curse Mansplainers with 'Silence'!
Charm yourself with a 'Positive' body-image!
And how to turn people into frogs, because that's always useful.
YEAH!! PEACH FLOWERS!!! THAT MAKES ME THINK ABOUT FIRE-SPITTING HOTRODS BEING DRIVEN
BY GRIZZLY BEARS THAT HAVE CHAINSAWS FOR FEET!!!
All bars are approximately 5oz.
Made from Distilled Water, Sodium Hydroxide, Sunflower Seed Oil, RSPO Certified Palm Oil, micas & fragrance oils.
*contains coconut charcoal
•Palm Free Soap - Distilled Water, Sodium Hydroxide, Olive Oil, Coconut Oil, Castor Oil, Sunflower Oil, Shea Butter, Cocoa Butter, micas & fragrance oils.
†Glycerin Soap - Sorbitol, Propylene Glycol, Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Stearic Acid, Water, Sodium Hydroxide, Myristic Acid, Sodium Cocoyl Isethionate, Glycerin.